Five years. Five years of sitting with women and cyclical people, exploring the breath, noticing patterns, and slowly, gradually unlearning a whole lot of stuff I was taught.
Because here’s the thing, so much of what we’re taught about breathwork, about “good” breathing, about what’s healthy and what’s not… it was built around a male body. And if you have a female body, a cycling body, a body that grows and births human beings? A lot of that advice just doesn’t fit.
So here are five things I’ve stopped doing and why.
1. Saying we all breathe the same
We don’t. We really, really don’t.
Female and male bodies are different. Our respiratory systems are different. And our hormones? They actively shift our breathing patterns throughout our cycle. Progesterone, oestrogen these aren’t just reproductive hormones, they influence how we breathe, how much we breathe, and how our bodies respond.
The moment I stopped pretending we all breathe the same was the moment my work got so much more honest.
2. Quoting an “ideal” number of breaths per minute
You’ve probably heard it… the idea that we should breathe somewhere around 5–6 breaths per minute, or maybe 12–16. These numbers get passed around like gospel.
But where do they come from? Research on male bodies. Bodies with different lung capacities, different airway sizes, different ribcage shapes. Bodies that cycle daily not over 25+ days
So that “ideal”? It can get in the bin. What’s optimal for your body, at this point in your cycle, is what matters.
3. Telling people to take big, deep breaths
This one surprised even me when I started questioning it.
“Take a big, deep breath” is practically a cultural reflex.. we say it to calm people down, to help them focus, to get grounded. And again, it comes from research rooted in male physiology.
Women naturally breathe a little higher in the chest. Our breath is more adaptable, more responsive, and that makes sense, because we are creators. Our bodies are built for a kind of dynamic flexibility that a ‘deep’ breath doesn’t always honour.
And if someone is pregnant? “Big and deep” can actually work against the body, not with it.
4. Telling cyclical people to do the same breathing practice every day
Consistency is often sold as the goal. Show up, do the practice, every single day, same thing.
But your body isn’t the same every day. It shifts across your cycle, your energy, your nervous system, your capacity, your needs. The gentle, restoring breath that feels perfect just after you bleed will feel completely wrong in the days before your period, when your body might need something more releasing, more expressive, more loud.
Meeting your body where it actually is? That’s the practice.
5. Using the names of abusive practitioners when I talk about different breathwork techniques
This one is important, and I want to say it clearly.
There are breathwork practices that are genuinely powerful and worth exploring but some of them carry the names of people who caused real harm. When we keep using those names, we keep amplifying them, even unintentionally.
If you’re working with a practice that carries someone’s name, please do your research. Find the origins of the technique. Credit the lineage, not the harm. There are ways to honour a practice without honouring a person who didn’t deserve that honour.
Five years on, I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still sitting with the breath and finding it endlessly, quietly surprising.
Thank you for coming on the journey with me, and as always if you have any question or comments pop them my way.
With love, Harriette
